I was feeling fantastic this morning and could not wait to get into gym to train with coach. We had discussed yesterday that we were going to be doing vault and bars and so I visualized doing the routine I had been doing with coach including the somersault dismount. I arrived early and as soon as I got in I mentioned to him and he denied it. I was so hooked up on it and even though he wanted me to do it at the new gyms with the right equipment I felt devastated.
For my vault rotation I ran faster than I think I have run before. I am getting stronger and stronger and I landed every vault cleanly, solidly and consistently. I was very efficient and focused but coach read that as unpassionate. When I went to the front handsprings and back tumbling passes on floor they were Ok and coach was expecting more from me. I was methodical, efficient but again showing no passion.
What makes gymnastics so special for me is the love of gymnastics. The love of the sport. The love of competition. I love to laugh, play and enjoy my gymnastics and when I get purely focused on the execution I often lose the love.
I then went to bars and I did the first routine. It was a little loose but I completed the whole thing the first time which is the first time that has even happened. I then failed the second and third attempts when coach asked what was up. I explained that I was disappointed I was not allowed to flip the dismount. He said that I had not been showing up at all in the training. I said I poured everything into every technique. He said. I disagree. I was so angry. I pour my heart into gymnastics. I have changed my entire life to become a serious contender for the olympics and for my coach to tell me I was not pouring everything just hurt deep.
I looked at the bars as I began the next routine and I took that energy, that frustration and channeled directly into the techniques. I kipped hard, pulled myself up and did the squat on. I jumped to the high bar and did the Long Hang Kip and pulled so hard that I did the highest cast I have ever done. I finished off the routine and coach was like ‘Wow. Bobbie. Great way to channel that anger at me. ‘. I almost broke down in tears. I was not angry at coach. I was angry at me for not being stronger on bars so I do not need to wait to move to the new gym.
As the pressure climbs I have to remember that I compete and have put myself through thousands of hours of training and made so many sacrifices so I can smile and love the sport. Gymnastics is the best sprt in the world. Off to train tomorrow with coach and laugh, and dance and sing and complete my Level 5 Floor Routine for the first time. Go Heroes!!